“Let Him Run…” This phrase of Cowboy Talk is common during rodeo/playday events. It’s the audience’s way of saying, “give the reins more slack and let that horse run!” My boys are 6 (almost 7) and 8 years old. I think I have always struggled with letting them explore freely, wrestle til there’s blood and climb on haystacks, but it seems to be hitting me especially hard lately.
They’ve both recently shown interest in all kinds of activities and Derek and I are working hard to encourage, yet maintain balance in our home. Holton expressed interest in riding Taco in the local playday. I told my husband, “he’s interested–let’s foster it!” Excited for the day to arrive, we all headed out to the arena. Keep in mind, I made the boys ride with a lead rope until I could no longer justify it! This is a big jump for me.
I begin to visually create in my mind what’s about to happen and start getting nervous about all that could possibly go wrong. As the hour approached for Holton to ride, I found myself becoming more and more emotional. I finally broke and shed a few tears while expressing to Derek how hard it is to watch the boys grow up. I’m still not sure all that prompted such emotions, but I know they were real and they were raw. Holton’s turn approaches, he nervously awaits in the alley and then his worst nightmare came true. Taco had other plans rather than heading straight down, slowing down slightly for H to grab the flag, and then safely returning to the gate. Holton was devastated after the performance did not go as well as practice, and was left feeling a little scared after Taco decided to make a mad dash back to the gate.
I found myself hurting for him. He likes things done correctly (the first time). I can’t imagine where he got this idea! 🙂 What I learned is that I’m going to have to “Let Him Run.” Even though it’s so hard to watch these little fellas grow up, it’s what I’m training them to do-grow up. And even when they fail, it’s so important to teach in that moment what’s REALLY important which is that he tried and again showed bravery and courage. What a remarkable kid…! So, we’ll get ’em next time and until our next challenge, I’m going to work on letting go a little more and enjoying the ride called Motherhood. Go get ’em, boys…!
Let Him Run
My boys began a martial arts class this week. I still can’t remember what it’s called or how to pronounce it. This is something that they have wanted to do for a long time and Derek and I finally decided to give this a whirl. Please picture the following and create the scenario in your mind…
We walk into the class. Everyone is in uniform (except my boys) because the lady who took my money said, “Have them wear comfortable clothing.” My boys are the only new kids to the class. Dayton is the youngest in the class. There are rules that we don’t know and don’t understand. We have a shaky introduction with the instructor. He begins and insane warm up, and begins to scare the pants off of me! As a doting mom, about every 30 seconds, I have the urge to take a photo of my boys. I’m too scared to take out my camera in fear that this will be breaking some unspoken rule. The boys are following the pack and hangin’ in there. I’m in knots! We move on to the self defense part of the class. I’m quite certain that the boys are going to leave with a broken vertebra and never walk again. They survive and are laughing (But not too much laughing or they will be ordered to drop and perform push ups). I’m relieved to see they can still walk. Then, they begin the “forms” (whatever that is…) portion of the class. Everyone is yelling random Korean words as they move like mannequins that are perfectly in sync. My boys were pulled out and taught by some older black belts while the robots continued with their advanced forms. I’m dying inside thinking “What I have gotten them into?–they have no idea what they are doing! My poor babies…!” The end of class approaches. For me, it was comparable to running. The end is near, it’s almost over, soon the pain will stop! They turn toward the flag, again they begin chanting Korean words. My boys have an excellent phonetic base so they were able to fake it. 🙂 They sit and meditate trying to find and balance their ‘energy.’ I can barely resist taking a photo once I see that Dayton is meditating (without laughing) with his eyes closed, but I’m still too frightened that I’ll be kicked out of the building and never allowed back in or worse, ordered to drop and give “him” 10! It’s finally over. The boys look over at me while I’m resisting the urge to jump up, hug and kiss them all over and ensure that their self concept is still intact. They both shoot me a smile. They are proud of themselves.
BRAVERY—Once I was able to breathe and lower my heart rate, I realized that I was the only one that had been nervous and on the verge of vomiting for the past hour and a half. Although at first, the boys’ faces flushed a little with uncertainty, they were amazingly brave throughout the class. They followed each direction given, tried their best, exhibited tenacity and NEVER GAVE UP! For them, it wasn’t a confidence shaker, but rather a confidence builder. It isn’t easy to be new, to be low man on the totem pole, or to not yet have the skills to be as successful as those who surround you, but my little guys stuck with it and showed what they are made of! What courage! I won’t say they were fearless because I think all three of us were overflowing with fear, but what makes the experience special is that they continued despite the fear. They are fantastically made by Him and demonstrated character traits that made me one proud Mama.
What a shot!
Yesterday was a tough day…Surrounded by memories of my dad and all that was important to him. Through it all, I was reminded of compassion. Compassion for other humans, compassion for the misfortune of others, compassion for all God’s creatures. You get the idea… I’m certainly thankful for those who have compassion for me. My sweet husband has been so understanding and shown compassion for his wife. Although he may not truly understand each and every circumstance or my reaction/emotion to it, he consistently shows compassion for me and for me feelings. He has mastered the art of knowing when to offer a statement of encouragement and when to offer a gentle hug (and when to grab me and INSIST that it really IS going to be ok)! –Insert grin here! Feeling thankful, grateful and warm. Thankful for Derek, but also thankful for my dad and each grandfather who provided models of what a husband should be. That modeled behavior turned into my expectation for my own husband. I’ll forever be grateful for all they did right!
God is the best example of compassion. He loves all of mankind whether or not any one individual loves Him or not. As our Creator, He desires us to be as compassionate as Him and show human kindness to others. Thanks Derek, for showing ME human kindness.